Are Intelligence and Happiness Correlated?

I thought of a random question today.

Is there any correlation between intelligence and happiness?

Psychologists must have conducted research in this area.  However, before I browsed online for others’ opinions, I first would like to hear my friends’ comments.

I had consulted two friends, and they both believed that there was no correlation.  One of them provided more details: intelligent individuals set higher expectations, and happiness is achieved when these expectations have been met.  Nonetheless, we can also argue that intelligence helps people set the right expectations.  Therefore, it may be difficult to find a true answer to this question.

While intelligence is not correlated to happiness, it, in my opinion, helps people approach and ultimately reach tranquility.  With wisdom, one can understand, accept and adapt to the ups and downs in life.  When the thoughts behind every gaze, the underlying meaning of every question, and the motive and consequence of every action are being seen through, the possibility of both pleasant and unpleasant surprises are minimized.

In high school, we had a journalism team that prepared the monthly newspaper.  In the last issue before the school year was over, each student in the graduating class was given a line on the newspaper to write something meaningful.  I can still recall what out-of-place message a weird classmate had written: Being Happy Is Different from Having Fun.  (Yes, in retrospect, I can understand why I could indeed appear strange to the other classmates.  Just like when we look at the old pictures, we can never understand how we managed to comfortably appear in public in certain outfit or hairstyle.)

Even today, I still believe that being happy is indeed different from having fun, but happiness no longer weighs so much more than fun in comparison.  In the ideal case, we all hope for the long- and deep-lasting.  However, what if it is out of reach for whatever reason?  Perhaps we should connect many, many short moments of fun together and make the colorful collage our armor.

A friend shared with me some miniature (about 1cm in diameter) candies that her friend brought from Italy.  I did not recognize them at first.  However, once I had one, I immediately remembered that I had eaten it before.  In fact, I liked it enough that I had tried looking for them, even though my attempt was futile.

Now these candies have become more special to me.  My affinity may be due to their actual flavors, the interesting recovery of the missing memory, or reminiscences of the happy, simple days associated with that period of memory.  I do not know, and why should it matter.  One who sees through everything well will lose the happiness of being touched and surprised.

And my friend gave me a lot more candies after knowing that I liked them.  Now you see why my armor can be so colorful and beautiful.

Pumpkin Soup: Losing Calories Before Gaining Calories

Since I have not bought pumpkins for a long time, I have almost forgotten how hard it is to cut open a pumpkin!  Cutting the pumpkin into big pieces is already a good 20-minute anaerobic exercise for me.

This Chinese-style pumpkin soup is made of pumpkin, pork bone and dry red dates (紅棗).   The recipe actually asks for honey dates (蜜棗), but I do not have honey dates at home so I have added dry dates instead.  I have also skipped the apricot kernel (南杏) and the Chinese almond (北杏), which I also do not have.  After 2-3 hours of boiling, a good portion of the pumpkin has turned into puree.

From the American perspective, pumpkin is rich in fiber and potassium, slows the process of aging, strengthens the immune system and improves the bone density.

From the Chinese perspective, pumpkin gets rid of the poison inside the body, improves metabolism, and prevents cancer as well as diabetes.

From the Chinese-American (i.e. my) perspective, this soup is much simpler than the other Chinese soup because it requires relatively few ingredients.  And at the same time, the American side of me can use it as a (far-fetched) way to celebrate the Halloween belatedly.

Time to Wake Up

I have never paid attention to news of Rihanna or Chris Brown, but I am moved by this article that addresses their case on domestic violence.

[D]on’t react off of love. Eff love. Come out of the situation, and look at it in the third person and for what it really is.

Smith says love is a huge factor in sending women back to their abusers. “They think, ‘I love him; we can work on it, and he’s not always abusive; there are really good things that drew me to this person in the first place.’” She adds, “These women also think they can work with their partners to end the abuse by fixing something that’s wrong in the relationship.” Trouble is, she explains, the only culprit is the one inflicting the violence, and the abuser rarely takes responsibility and gets professional help.

I appreciate the lessons highlighted by this article because they apply to not only domestic violence but also other types of abuses that can happen in a relationship.

Unrequited love has probably existed since the beginning of human.  Feelings are hard to control, and we may be blindly devoted to someone even when our love is not reciprocated.  Well, it happens.  But sometimes we just need to wake up.

心裡亦有淚 不願流淚望著你

We three girls sang this song together at a game.  We were given the name of a song that we would need to sing on the spot.  Once we saw this song, we were so excited and surprised because it was no challenge to us; we knew its melody and lyrics too well — it was our song.  If I remember correctly, it happened in an autumn, seven years ago.

Little did I know that I actually understood so little about this song seven years ago.  But now I have already learned so much from it that I hope I do not need to know further.

One of my favorite, favorite songs, Leslie’s 風繼續吹.

Drinking & I

While everyone is out partying in this Halloween weekend, I am quietly staying at home, blogging about my (short) journey with the alcohol.

Yesterday, I saw a t-shirt online with a witty message: Happily Ever After Is So Once Upon a Time.  Since I have never reached the stage of happily ever after, I have no idea whether it really is very once upon a time.  However, if one believes that everything sinfully glamorous is ephemeral and the days of drinking indeed belong to this category, then I can testify that yes it is true.  I have only had a brief encounter with alcohol, but drinking has already become so once upon a time for me.

I have never really enjoyed drinking and I have never bragged about my tolerance, but at least I recall the days in which I could handle a couple of shots.  But recently, I notice that even a small amount of alcohol, such as two sips of chardonnay, can nauseate me.  No not tipsy, not drunk, it is nauseating, making me feel very uncomfortable and want to take out the alcohol from my body immediately.

Well, even without drinking, I have not been as sober as I should have.  So I ought not to further impair my decision-making skills and judgment with alcohol.

Two Days, Two Novels

Last week, I have read two novels by 亦舒, but I like neither one of them. Unexpectedly disappointed.  How come.

How come friendship is so fragile.  How come these men love her but actually love themselves so much more that they use her.  How come they ultimately beg for her forgiveness when the damage cannot be undone — do they want to ensure that she is fine, or do they merely hope to release themselves.

How come her life is terribly controlled by these men who love her in a wrong way.  How come the misunderstanding is never resolved.  How come she succumbs to fate and ultimately chooses to give up the love of her life.

To a certain extent, I dislikes these stories because the underlying messages are unrealistically extreme.  Or am I just being extremely unrealistic.

A Letter to the Previous Tenant

Dear Previous Tenant,

I have moved into the apartment for quite some time.  Since my parents came here to visit last weekend, I had finally unpacked everything and cleaned the entire apartment on Friday.  However, while I was going through and sorting all the random papers and newspapers on the floor, I realized that I had been keeping one of your letters for a long time.  At that moment, the first thought that came to my mind was this:

Yes, this is Amy Cheung’s novel, titled 收到你的信已經太遲 (By the Time I’ve Got Your Letters, It’s Already Too Late).  In the story, the protagonist has mistakenly received four love letters that another girl wrote to a guy.  Well, I do not know if you are expecting any love letters.  But this isn’t it.  This is an official USPS change-of-address confirmation that requires verification.

I am sorry that I have kept your letter for a few weeks.  I will return it to the sender as soon as possible.  In the meantime, I sincerely hope that your change-of-address request has already been completed, so that you have not been missing any love letters.

Yours sincerely,
me

Awakening

After having gone through almost two months without easy internet access, I have finally set up internet at home.  My own connection, with my own computer, at the place where I want it to be.

I thought I had got so used to not having internet at home that I was ready to live without it.  However, once I had it set up two weeks ago, I immediately realized the difference.  The feeling is similar to believing that myself have successfully fought an addiction.  But a slight taste of it brings wave after wave of memories, which are propagating back and leading me again to the big swirl.

Or perhaps it is like blogging.  At different points in time, I did not care to be understood or heard, so I thought of closing the blog.  However, when I happen to come up with of all these random, miscellaneous thoughts, I will miss blogging.  I will want to write and have my one-person conversations.

And similarly for interacting with people who care about you and whom you care about.  Living alone trains you well for the monotonous regularity.  Nonetheless, someday, you are awakened by a gentle touch, and then you suddenly realize that you still want to love and be loved.

My Life as an Actress

Whenever my friends made fun of me for being easy to read, I would recount my favorite story of being a leading actress in a drama during secondary school.

The Drama Club extended an invitation to everyone in the school for trying out for a drama that raised awareness in environmental issues. My friends were interested in being cast, and I was dragged there to keep them company. And who would have expected that I was later picked for one of the two important roles.

Shakespeare says that all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players, and I cannot agree more. That drama on environmental awareness is the only drama that I have performed on stage, but it is not the first and certainly not the last drama which I have been involved.

I have always believed that good actors and actresses should be able to detach their emotions from the roles easily. This is why I have not been a good actress. When blood is dripping from my heart and yet I have to smile, I can feel that a part of me has died. I pinch my thigh to keep myself alert, just so I will remember that I am acting and should not to reveal any wryness in my smile.

Two weeks ago, as I was giving a farewell speech, my eyes grew misty; I had to pause to regain my composure. A friend afterward jokingly commented that I was an actress. I just smiled and accepted it as a compliment. After all, being recognized as someone who could act gave me a sense of vulnerable protection.

What I have not told my friends regarding being selected as a leading actress is that I did not really have to act – my role in that drama was a nerdy scientist.

And no, my friends no longer tell me that I am easy to read.

Hello World!

Edited (2009.8.12): Perhaps the fact that I even got the month wrong shows how preoccupied I am.

Interestingly, having mistakes may be the quickest way to get people’s attention and responses.  Just like in elementary school, the pupils will raise their hands immediately if the teacher has written something incorrect on the board.  Within twelve hours, two friends have told me about the mistake on the month; I do not think that I have ever generated comments so quickly in any of my other posts — and this is probably the shortest post too.

If mistakes can catch people’s attention, does it mean that it may be effective to deliberately include some trivial mistakes as long as the underlying message is clear?  For example, in the post below, most people would have guessed that I meant to say September, not August.  Since they have found the mistake and proactively commented on it, they may be left with a deeper impression of the message.

________________________

A few friends have asked why I have not updated my blog for such a long time.

First of all, I am really touched that some people actually care.

However, I have been very busy lately, and I may not have time to blog in the next few weeks either.  So, in order to set the right expectation, I would say, please come back in August September!